Here I Am Lord...But I Still Don't Know Why It's Me

I'm applying to be a Missionary Disciple through World Gospel Missions.  I thought I'd share how I've gotten to this point....

Tears streamed down the face of a 9 year-old boy. He knew that something was missing in his life. He wasn't a terrible kid; but yet he knew that he was a sinner. Petrified in the pew, this little boy could not go forward and pray at the altar as some where now doing. He was too scared; too afraid that people would think he didn't understand. So quietly he sat there, but deep within his soul things were far from quiet. That still small voice kept whispering to him his need of Jesus in his life. So on October 14, 1990, I accept Christ as my savior.

A few years later, when I was 12, I attended church camp. During the last evening service onFriday night I felt God dealing with me again. This time the Holy Spirit was calling me to be a preacher. “A preacher? I'm just 12.” When I got home from that week I began to ask my mom about it. In her wisdom she said I should just keep that between the two of us. She was afraid it was just some emotional experience and it may go away, but it never did.

When I was 16, I went to my pastor and took a deep breath and said as quickly as possible, “I don't know if I'm doing this right, but I think God has called me to be a preacher.” He smiled and hugged me. He said he felt that God had been dealing with me about this but said, “If God has truly called you, you won't be happy doing anything else; but if he as not called you, you will be miserable.”

I then began the long arduous process of becoming an elder in the United Methodist Church (a process I am only now about to finish). Most of my time in this 12 year process has been waiting. Waiting until I graduated high school, then college, and finally seminary. But all through the waiting God has been using me. I began preaching when I was 16, filling in for pastors when they needed some one to supply in their absence. This was a wonderful experience to prepare me in the future.

In the fall of 1999, I enrolled at Asbury College with the clear objective from God, or so I thought: go to college and become a United Methodist pastor in Kentucky. I loved college. It has been one of the best experiences of my life. I was strengthened and challenged in my faith. I heard of the need for holiness and sanctification (which I had heard in my church but not to this degree). I knew there was more for me, but I didn't know when or how it would happen.

While in college I found myself becoming close friends with several MK's associated with WGM. I had heard of WGM before because my home church supported Marsha Hartley at Taylor Christian School. During the fall of my senior year and I was invited to go on a Task Force trip to Argentina. I immediately said, “No. God's called me to be a pastor in Kentucky. I don't need to go.” Funny how we decide things so quickly without consulting God. God wanted me to go. So I signed up and was really excited. I couldn't wait to go.

The day before we left I went to see mentor of mine. We talked about my upcoming trip and then he looked straight at me and said, “Charlie, are you sold out to Jesus Christ?”

“Sold out to Christ?!?!” I was shocked. I knew what he meant in theory, but in practice definitely not. How could he ask such a question? I would be attending seminary in fall and take my first pastorate that June. I've given my whole life to God, I know about the Bible. I'm going into ministry as my full time vocation, and yet those words continued to echo in my ears.

Later that night, I was at the commissioning service for the Task Force team leaving for Argentina. I was excited, but no sooner was I seized by great fear. “What on earth am I doing? I don't know Spanish. I never really traveled outside the United States, and now I'm going to a completely different continent. I can't do this,” I thought.

This sense of dread gripped a hold of my heart. As we were closing the commissioning service we celebrated Holy Communion. I was shaking as I reached for the bread and dipped it into the chalice. However, when I put the bread in my mouth something wonderful happened. I heard that still small voice again! “This is how much I love you!” And in that instant a flood of grace filled my heart and soul. I was no longer afraid, I was safe in Christ. It did not matter what would happen I knew I was completely in God's care. I was sold out to Jesus Christ!

My life has never been the same since that moment in the student center and that trip to Argentina. I went thinking it would be a good experience; I had no idea it would be such a life changing and life challenging experience.

I entered seminary and the pastorate just as I had planned, but things were different. I knew God was calling me in a different direction. At first I would dismiss it. “These are just crazy thoughts,” I told myself. “You a missionary? Just crazy.” But the thoughts would not stop. God would not let me go. I began to have dreams where I was preaching in Spanish. Yet I kept dismissing it, running farther and farther away.

Doors became open that seemed rather ironic, yet I know it was God. I had moved 30 miles south of Wilmore to live in a parsonage after my first year of seminary. This house was in the middle of no where, and within six months a family from Mexico moved in across the street from me. We became good friends, and I learned a lot and helped them out when I could with getting their drivers' licenses and taking the citizenship test. Then, two miles from my church a United Methodist Hispanic congregation began to meet. I started to help at this church thinking God would be satisfied with this type of cross-cultural ministry, but he wanted more.

I was eventually appointed nine miles from my hometown. I was back home, but home has become a miserable place. It is not because positive things are not happening with my church and the community. It is actually quite the opposite, and yet this is NOT where I am suppose to be. Then one day a friend, who knew I had been struggling with a call to cross-cultural missions, said to me: “You are hiding behind ordination and your church.” It was true. She was not telling me anything that I did not know. I have been running from God. I have been running for six years. Unlike Jonah, I did not run completely away from God. And unlike Peter, I did not return to my old way of living. Instead, I thought I could run from God and hide in the church. Maybe then God would see how much more I would be needed in Kentucky than I would be somewhere else. But trying to live outside of God's will is a terrible place to find one's self. No matter how much good I can do, I cannot be happy or satisfied in my spirit as long as I am running from God. Home is an agonizing place to be when God desires something else for your life. I am tired of running. I am ready to answer the call to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:19a).

Revive Us Again!

Yesterday we began our fall revival at Seddon UMC. Now, many people believe the traditional revivals are archaic rituals of the past, and I must admit that I would have to agree (with some qualifications). If you are talking about a revival as the sole evangelistic event of a church, then yes they are outdated. However, if you are speaking of an event that can motivate the church to leave behind the walls of the sanctuary and invite people to a relationship with Jesus Christ, then no revivals are just what we need.

On the day of Christ's resurreciton he returns to the disciples and breathes on them telling them to "Receive the Holy Spirit" (John 20:22). It is a simple and straighforward statement: "Receieve the Holy Spirit." So often we make ministry so complex with forms, studys, assessments all of which can be valuable tools. However, without the Holy Spirit ministry becomes lifeless and void of meaning. If that's not a reason for revival in our pressumed "post-modern" world that yearns for meaning I know of none better.

"Renew Thy Church, her ministrieis restore
Both to serve and adore.
Make her gain as solt throughout the land,
And as light from a stand.
'Mid somber shadows of the night
Where greed and hatred spread their blight,
O send us forth wtih power endued:
Help us Lord, be renewed!"

--Kenneth Lonre Cober

Christian Missions

It 's inevitable, whenever some one says "Christian Missions" another person usually rolls their eyes and says not again. I must confess, there was a time when I was like this. I grew tired of cross-cultural missionaries (what use to be known as foreign missionaries) act as if local ministry was sub par to going to Afria, Asia, or South America. Then about my junior year at Asbury College I realized that some people are just jerks. And that my “anti-mission” attitude was no better than their attitude towards ministry in the United States. I began to really understand that God has called us all to unique ministries in diverse places.

But what is our approach to missions (both in our backyard and around the globe)? For many, we think we need to meet all the physical needs before we share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. After all, if we talk about Christ being the bread of life, but can't hear the message because of the rumble in our stomachs there is a problem. James talks about this in Chapter 2 of his epistle. If some one is hungry and cold we must do more than bless them and send them on their way; we must clothe and feed them.

However, something stuck me today as I was reading a daily devotional book by Dr. Denis Kinlaw, This Day with the Master. He said the soul aim of Christian missions is evangelism. Meeting physical needs are secondary because there will never be an end to physical needs. In other words, if we wait until all the physical needs are met, we will never tell people about Jesus Christ. Evangelism must be two pronged: meeting physical and spiritual needs, but the spiritual needs are the greater of the two. If we are not sharing how Christ saves us from our sins, we are just a humanitarian group doing good things, but not saving souls. John Wesley said to his preachers, “You have nothing to do but save souls, go and be spent in this work.” Our primary task to “make disciples of all nations” (Matt. 28.19). We must live a transformed life and share the freedom that Jesus brings through the power of the cross and his resurrection. Anything else is just a secondary issue.

Keep Christ at the Center

Isaiah 51.1: "Listen to me, you that pursue righteousness, you that seek the LORD. Look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug." (NRSV)

It's hard to keep Christ at the center of my life. For the past 15 days I have been at Ruggles Camp, a United Methodist Camp near Tollesboro, Ky. During this time I helped with two youth camps, attended camp meeting, and closed out the time with a meeting of area United Methodist Men. My life has been blessed by this experience, however I am left wondering how I keep Christ at the center of everything I do. It is very easy to keep Christ at the center when you are "away from the world," but now I am back and faced with the same problems that I left a couple of weeks ago.

Now you might think that being a pastor it would be easy to keep Christ at the center of my life, but I struggle with it all the time. Sometimes I wonder if pastors should struggle with this issue more because our job can appear more Christ-centered on the surface but in reality can be just as empty and self-serving as any vocation. It reminds me of a quote that I came across one time that said: "Nowhere is a soul more in danger than the pastor's study." This may sound odd but I see the truth in this statement. Pastors are often busy doing "ministry" that they forget about keeping Christ at the center. Ministry in our world often entails the latest business techniques, leadership strategies, setting goals, learning how to measure your achievements, and the list goes on. Is this ministry? Is this what it means to be a part of the Kingdom of God?

In our stressful, high performance world, Isaiah 51.1 reminds us that we need to go back to the source of our faith. Christ needs to be at the center of all that we do. Camp meeting is but one way God helps me to realign my life and put him back at the center. Are you looking to the rock from which you were hewn? Keep Christ at the center.

A Picture is worth a Thousand Words.....

Yesterday afternoon, the United Methodist General Conference voted to retain our stance on homosexuality being incompatible with Christian teaching. It was a very scary time for me. I was not certain how thing would turn out. I was praying all afternoon that we would not change our position. I stayed glued to my computer for over four hours watching and praying. Now, some might argue that this was not a good use of my time, but at a United Methodist minister, it not only have affected me but my congregation as well.

However, what I surprised by the pictures used int he United Methodist News Service (UMNS) article on the decision. Look at the bottom picture. This how they started the news article. What were they trying to suggest? And now look at the top picture. This is Eddie Fox the person giving the minority report (which was adopted) What message is UMNS trying to suggest? I think we dodged a huge bullet yesterday as a denomination, but I know we are not out of the woods yet. It will be interesting to see is the General Superintendency (Bishops and District Superintendents), and Judicial Council uphold our Discipline. I know one thing, I cannot stand passively by anymore.

A Call to Prayer and Discernment

I start this new blog on the day that the 2008 General Conference begins in Ft. Worth, TX. In the next 10-days, many United Methodist (particularly UM pastors) will have their eye on the issues surrounding this meeting. (I hope I won't get into too much trouble with this blog unlike my last one. We shall see.)

There are some who have a positive outlook on the future of our denomination. They believe that homosexuality issues will not be at the forefront of this General Conference. I wish I had there naivete. The question of whether homosexuals should be members of local congregations and ministers has been an issue raised every four year since 1972 in the UMC, and to think that it won't be an issue this year is keeping your head buried in the sand. Regardless of whether you think this is right or wrong, my prayer is that this year a definitive decision will be made.

We cannot keep putting this issue on hold, left wondering what will change in the next four years. Will I stay, will I go? This is not healthy for the laity nor the clergy to live in the land of limbo. Each quadrennium the wording in the Discipline seems to get stronger (slanted for those of us who are more conservative), while the practice of the leadership seems to ignore the wording. I just wish we would accomplish something one way or the other. Instead , I fear we will continue this awkward dance that we keep fumbling through year after year, while our congregations continue to dwindle and we are left with the form of religion without any power!

However, there is Good News today! I am reminded that God did not come to earth as an institution or organization, but as a human being--a Jewish man form Nazareth, Jesus Christ. Christ did not die on the cross for religion, but for a relationship with you and me. It is in Jesus Christ that I find my identity, my hope, and my salvation. I do NOT live for a denomination, nor for an institution, but I live, move, and breath for Christ alone in my life.